It was a holiday at my school. I #planned to visit my old parents in the city. As luck would have it, when I reached my parents’ home, I found my mother was not at home. My father was #visibly happy to see me. My father and #cooked lunch. When my father was helping me, I remembered my #childhood days, how he used to help me in day-to-day life.
I am so thankful to my #parents, as what I am today is all because of their #sincere efforts.
I had school the next day, therefore I came back home early. At night, I wrote a poem” Father”.The next day I pasted it notice board of my school. The same I am listing below for my #esteem readers.
Time Ladder Gone
When I was just a tiny kid,
It seems like only yesterday,
Do you remember when,
Mom was on # professional front,
Doing night duty, I would #fear at night,
Tears would roll-------- over my #cheeks,
You #wiped away my tears,
And late at night I called your name,
To #chase away my fears.
In the morning you used to make me,
Ready with a school bag big,
Containing books and #homework scripts,
You made sure I submitted homework on time,
In the #Science project, you always helped me,
In searching for #relevant photographs,
Of trendy #experimental science.
Though time has changed now,
Your hair is #grey, snowy white,
Your gait's a little #slower now,
Thick glasses help your sight.
Yet, I thirst for years gone by,
To be that growing lad,
On the good old days ,
Ladder gone by time,
Re-living all of the #memories,
Of growing with my best friend- #dad.
Sukarma Thareja
https://sites.google.com/site/drsukarmaranithareja/home
For STEM poems and Life stories please do read
Science of Life and Nature: A Photo Poetry Collection: Sukarma Thareja: 9781521260067: Amazon.com: Books
*Suggestion:* Isse upar wale stanza se jod dein:
`Yet, I thirst for years gone by, To be that growing lad, On the good old days ladder #gone by time.`
*Asar:* `Ladder` metaphor ka `Full Use` ho jayega. `Climb down` ka feel aayega.
*3. `Punctuation = Breath`* ๐ฌ️
`school bag big,` -> `big school bag,` zyada natural hai.
`Of trendy #experimental science.` -> `science` ke baad `.` hata ke `,` laga dein, taaki flow na toote.
*Suggestion:*
`Ready with a big school bag,`
`Containing books and #homework scripts,`
*Asar:* Padhne me `Hichkichahat` nahi aayegi. Jaise saans na toote.
*4. `Show, Don't Tell` - #Dad ka Scene*
`You #wiped away my tears,` Bahut achhi line hai. Ise `Zoom` kar dein.
*Suggestion:* 1 adjective daal dein:
`You #wiped away my tears with your rough, warm hands,`
*Asar:* `Dad` ka `Touch` turant yaad aa jayega sabko. `Image` ban jayegi.
---
*Sabse Badi `Meta` Baat Guru ji ๐*
*Aapki poem ka `Heart` ye 2 line hai:*
`You #wiped away my tears, To #chase away my fears.`
`In the #Science project, you always helped me,`
*Suggestion:* In dono ko `Bold` ya `Center` me la dein.
*Kyunki ye `Dad` ke 2 `Roles` hain: `Protector` + `Teacher`.*
Sukarma Thareja
https://sites.google.com/site/drsukarmaranithareja/home
For STEM poems and Life stories please read
Science of Life and Nature: A Photo Poetry Collection: Sukarma Thareja: 9781521260067: Amazon.com: Books
Amazon US link :
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1521260060
https://droplink.co/yOkb
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